5 to 6 = 32

In our office when an equation did not equal the expected results we jokingly called it “creative accounting”, then we dove into to find out why the difference. I have found some things in life don’t logically line up; they are better understood with the heart or spirit.
My husband’s prognosis was five to six months, when he passed at only 32 days I felt cheated out of time with him, it did not add up to “what was supposed to be”.
When speaking with a visiting chaplain he stated individuals have more influence over length of time they continue in situations such as ours, whether they are ready to go or fighting to remain. Barbara Karnes writes in “The Dying Experience”, “How we approach death is going to depend upon…, and how willing we are to let go of this known expression to venture into a new one. Fear and unfinished business are two big factors in determining how much resistance we put into meeting death.”
John 19:30 states of Jesus “…He gave up His spirit”. Despite taking our infirmities and bearing our sicknesses they did not kill him, no one took his life – He gave up His spirit. In Philippians Paul talks about being hard-pressed between the desire to depart and be with Christ or to remain in the flesh which is more needful for others. Later, Paul, nearing the end of his life writes ”I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord,…will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing”. I am not comparing Gene to Jesus or Paul, just the desire/willingness to lay down the earthen vessel when our earthly journey is over. They had no fear of death or unfinished business.
A gentleman’s actions years ago made a lasting impression on me. Knowing he would soon die he reached out to anyone that he thought there might be unresolved matters with, all was settled, he had peace, he finished well.
32 days was not what I expected logically, but a grieving heart recognized the grace of God and answered prayer as he entered heavens’ gates. We cannot put life in a box and certainly not God who is far greater than we could ever conceive. Thus begins the tension of rejoicing for the one who has gone before us while at the same time grieving our loss; yet we “do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope”.
Like it or not grief is an experience we must walk through in order to be healthy and have a new normal; it’s not a place to campout in; thankfully we do not walk alone for the Lord is with us. He wants to turn our mourning into dancing.